5 Dating Mistakes that Make You Look Desperate or Creepy
There’s a old saying ‘The tighter you grip a bar a soap the more it slips away.’ Write this on your hand if you have to. Women are attracted to men that are secure and confidant. If you appear clingy, overly possessive, or are more invested than she is right away she’ll run the other way. Yes, she wants to be chased a little, but because you’ve gotten to know HER, not because you’re just desperate for a woman… any woman! Here are some signs to watch for.
#1 Appearing Unannounced
Men don’t realize that women often feel threatened by this type of behavior. Showing up unexpectedly at her home or even worse her work is usually unwelcome and at worst makes you seem really creepy. Desperate guys do this to force her to have an interaction with them. If you have to force it, the situation is all wrong. The last thing you want to do is come off as stalkerish, scare her or get her in trouble with her boss. Call or set something up first. If she seems unwilling to set something up with you, that should be an obvious message to you, popping up out of the bushes is not going to make it better.
#2 Declaring Your Feelings Out of Nowhere
You’ve ended up in the Friend Zone because you’ve never had the guts to flirt and now you’re not on any type of romantic path with her. Maybe you thought if you just hung around long enough, you’d build a romantic connection. But one day when she expects you to say something mundane you spout out that she is the one and you think you love her.
Many men make this mistake, and sometimes it actually works, but usually the woman is caught off guard and it gets very awkward. She is left holding all the cards and is the position of making the decision 100% if this will move forward. This is not the right balance for the foundation of a relationship. Most likely she’s not even prepared to make this decision because though you’ve spent time together you’ve not actually been on a real “date-date.” Most women aren’t sure if they want to be exclusive with a guy until after several dates, and sometimes, until after sex. If you pressure her to decide straight from friendship, most likely you’ll hear “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” Try not to do this.
If you like her complement her. Flirt. Flirt more. Make sure you do it in a lighthearted, funny way. If you don’t know how to flirt read a book, practice with the cashiers and waitresses (yes they’re sick of it but you need to practice). See if she flirts back. If she doesn’t, stop and move on to another girl. If she does, ask her out. Flirt even more. Ask her out again. Hold her hand, put your arm around her, does she pull away? Kiss her at the end of the first date. Is she kissing back? Good.
#3 Being Too Insecure About Her Past or Other Guys
A little jealousy is normal but treating a girl like your property is a no-no. Before you become exclusive, she can do whatever she wants with other people. She’s not your possession, you don’t own her. What she does with her life is private and she can choose to share it with you or not. When you demand to know all of these details up front, it can make you appear insecure and controlling. Grilling her on who that guy is she was talking to at the coffee shop, who all of her boyfriends were in the past, or heaven forbid looking at her phone log, will just annoy her and push her away.
#4 Over Anxious Texting or Calling
- Voicemail 1: Hi, it’s me Doug. I had a great time last night and I’m just calling to see if you’re free tomorrow night. Ok talk to you later.
- Voicemail 2: Did I mention it was Doug? Miss You! Ok bye!
- Voicemail 3: Hi, it’s been an an hour and I haven’t heard from you. I hope you’re ok. It’s me Doug, from the other night. Are you ignoring me? I hope not! Why aren’t you calling me??? Ok bye.
You get the idea. Not pretty. It is important to stay in touch with your new love interest, but don’t go overboard. Calling or texting once or twice a day says ‘I’m interested’ but several times each hour says ‘I’m desperate, please love me!’ Give them a little time to miss you. Don’t contact them much more frequently than they contact you. The same goes for texts. Send it and relax. She may actually have a life she’s living (this is a good thing!), she may be in the shower or she’s caught up at work or she’s busy hand-knitting you both matching sweaters, whatever, give her some time to respond. Keep phone conversations short and don’t always wait for her to end the conversation. Being too pushy can make a woman feel like you are future stalker material and she will run the other way.
#5 Talking about the distant future Too Soon
If you are buying concert tickets for 2 months away, planning a trip for next fall, or talking about your wedding reception within the first few weeks of dating, chances are you’re appearing too desperate. The object of dating is to get to know someone gradually over time. Talking about long-term future issues and making plans for the months to come is something you can do once you are exclusive and have some history together. It scares people away if you start planning the wedding on your second date.
These acts don’t feel desperate in the moment, but they come across as such. You can’t make a person like you. They either will or won’t. But in the beginning delicate stage or the first week or month, girls can get scared away before they have a chance to get to know you.
If you are desperate or clingy then believe me, she will pick up on it. It hangs around you like a miasma. And ironically, if you are desperate, nothing ever happens for you. A lot of these bad behaviors arise from low self-esteem and needing outside approval. Were you abandoned as a child? Was your heart stomped on?
Work on building your self esteem and on a daily basis distract yourself with the full life you’ve built. Having nothing else to do but spend time with that person makes you come off as boring, having no life and few friends. This is not the impression you want to make. Be productive and keep busy. Get a hobby. A cat. Stop staring at your naval. Do something besides chasing down women. Go to the gym. Hang out with friends. Apply for jobs. Message or meet other women if you’re not exclusive yet. Explore other interests or do something active outdoors.
Self-confident men invest in themselves and create a lifestyle people want to be a part of.